Hi guys!!!!! It’s been a looong minute!!!! I know, I know, you all missed me (^_^)I missed all y’all… but it’s good to be back.
I have finally finished my exams and now, I can stay up all night and watch Fringe (which I do all the time, except now, I won’t feel guilty) Did I tell you that school sucks ass? Well, it does. Sucks ass. Not with a straw, but a huge fucking giant vacuum inhaler (if there is such a thing). Warreva mehn, I’m happy to be back, you’re happy I’m back; life is good. Lerrus get to the matter.
I live in a city called Brampton, and recently a competition was opened by one of our local pop artistes, Fire King, to children in 13th grade (like me) to write an essay on why anyone should visit our nice city. The winning essay would receive a prize of the new Blackberry Starcomms Irregular. So lots of contestants entered and everyone wrote wonderful essays but guess who won? Yours truly, of course! (Who else would?) Although, it turns out that Fire King was a fraud and he used all the papers from the essay to make a giant paper plane and then, flew back to St. Vincent and the Grenadines where he is originally from. 😦 But I decided to put up my essay anyway even though I’m not winning a prize. Enjoy!
Why You Should Visit My Locality
My name is Esse. I am a 13th grader living in Brampton, Ontario. Brampton is a wonderful city. It’s the 3rd largest in the GTA (Greater Toronto Area) and the 11th largest by population. I think you should visit Brampton for the following reasons:
It is beautiful and warm. The people are all nice and friendly…. And Indian. Or Black. But mostly Indian… or Black So, if you like Indians (or blacks), you’ll love Brampton.
Indians are great cooks. They cook all the time. With spices. Spices that smell and never leave you for as long as you live. 🙂 I have personally never tried Indian food, but food that smells like that, better taste like it’s from heaven. My sister just bought a house. We spent two weeks airing out the cupboards and the entire house in fact. Then she had to buy like $50 worth of air fresheners, (I’m not even joking) before we could spend a night in the house. Then, you still have to deal with this smell in the parks, on the bus. It. Just. Doesn’t. Go. Away. 😦
Brampton has very beautiful people. Especially the Indians. Oh, and the blacks too. Although, you want to be careful when sitting next to them on the bus. I noticed that the older Indian men don’t think it’s necessary to cover their mouths when sneezing, coughing or yawning. And they all have really long beards that they weave. Some of them tie the beards. It’s really cute! You’ll love it! Yeah, and they wipe their noses with their hands and then wipe their hands on their kaftans after sneezing. Really cool fellas. 🙂 And the smell still follows.
The blacks are not less dangerous though. They talk. I happened to be on the bus beside a black lady a few days ago. She didn’t seem to think that there was anything wrong with having her phone conversation with the rest of the bus. Of course, we weren’t contributing. 🙂 Just listening. Apparently,they were discussing a third party who was unhappy in her relationship because her “man wouldn’t suck.” And the bus lady seemed to have plenny advice. (you will have to forgive me, my Patois/Creole is anything but existent) “Dahs why mi no follow no man wey cyant suck. Mi do eet feh ‘im too. Cept im a go around den i cyant cos d pussy stink. Buh mi no follow no man wey cyant suck. A lotta girls dem do eet feh deir man, so im a gats do eet fer ‘er too. Cept if ‘er pussy stink, cos u know d pussy cyan stink.” Rough translation: (well, I’m pretty sure you don’t need a rough translation, that was easy, wasn’t it?) These things only happen in the U.S. Or Brampton. 🙂
Another beautiful reason why you should come to Brampton is our transit system. Very well organized and planned to the letter T. If your bus is set to arrive at 6:39pm, be there at 6:49. You might still have to wait a bit though… 🙂 But if you get to your stop at say 6:35pm and a bus comes at 6:39pm (that is, the bus is “on time”) DON”T ENTER!!!!!!!!!!!! It is One Chance, I doubt their last bus stop is in this universe. Or the next one sef. So, early buses in Brampton? No. Don’t do it. It may be your last bus.
Downtown Brampton is wonderful. Lights, clubs, the works! It’s amazing. It’s also located on only one straight road. So, you can pretty much walk the length of “Downtown Brampton” which is more than you can say for many other cities.
Brampton is also very safe. I’ve lived here for 11 months, and I can remember clearly only 3 murder cases. Actually, 4. Nothing happens here. Safe and quiet. Any thief that comes here sef is dulling. Why waste your time on wealthy, careful Bramptonians when you can mug equally wealthy, less careful Torontonians? The choice is clear.
Did I tell you that Brampton is called the “Flower City”? Because of all the flowers. Obviously. -___-
Yeah, one more thing about Brampton. The malls. A wonderful match.com venue without the .com bit. Online dating has got nothing on Brampton malls. Absolute P is set here, I tell ya. I’m trying to think of a bad thing to say about the malls, but I can’t think of any. I guess that means… Oh, wait! Here’s one: they’re located in Brampton.
I hope I have been able to convince you and not confuse you *roll eyes here* as to why you should visit Brampton.
Increase the Peace.
P.S. Fire King and his essay competition has no affiliation to a certain Nigerian artiste who will remain unnamed in this post, but whose name is Ice Prince. I know all you conspiracy theorists are already making up your theories. Have fun. |-(
P.P.S. This has been a public service announcement for the city of Brampton. Not.
P.P.P.S. What do they call people from St Vincent and the Grenadines? The winner gets a.. *dodges tomatoes*